Tag Archives: goals

Emotional self-reliance

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When most people think of self-reliance, when they think of it at all, they tend to think of emergency preparedness, homesteading, or living off the grid. True self-reliance, however, encompasses much more than just the external factors in our lives. It’s as much an internal state of being as an accumulation of physical resources.

This was reinforced for me by an article co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS on “4 Ways to Be Self Reliant.” I’ll probably revisit this article more than a few times; there’s a lot there, and it covers a lot of ground. The article begins, however, with emotional self-reliance, or avoiding relational dependency:

Although being in a committed, bonded relationship can enrich your life, feeling unable to function without another person could lead to a problem like Relational Dependency.[1] Relational Dependency is a progressive disorder, meaning that the relationship may start off healthy but one person becomes gradually more controlling of or dependent upon the other, which can lead to an unhealthy relationship. Furthermore, self-actualization is needed for personal growth and is thought to be an essential need that motivates our behavior.[2] In general, those who are independent and self-reliant typically survive and function better in society than those who are dependent on others for happiness and sustainability. Taking control of basic tasks and life skills will not only help you stay in control of your own life but will ultimately contribute to making you a happier person.

Some of the steps Griffin recommends:

  • Assume responsibility for your life: This I took as meaning taking control of the little things in daily life, such as cleaning up after yourself, paying your bills on time, getting to appointments on time, etc. It begins with the realization that no one else is responsible for your success or failure. It’s up to you to take care of yourself and your environment.
  • Be informed: “Information is power, so having information will give you the power to make your own decisions and assert your independence,” Griffin tells us. To do that she recommends a rounded approach to keeping up on what is going on in your neighborhood, your job, your town and so on, up to the level of world events. The more your know the more influence you can exert on the world around you.
  • Know where you are going: Decide what you want. Develop a plan. Break that plan down into goals. Seek guidance where needed. But if you don’t know where you’re going with your life the world will always step in to offer alternative options–most of which will not ultimately benefit you.
  • Make your own decisions: All of the above work together to help you make your own decisions–and make better decisions when you make them. It’s okay to consider the needs of others, or to seek their advice, but take the final responsibility for your decision and do what is best for you. Letting others make decisions for you is to give up your independence.

There is more–much more–to this article. I suggest you read the entire thing…or hang around. I’ll more than likely come back to it again.

The Grand Unified Theory of Self-Reliance

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Ten years ago I seemed to be looking for some way to identify and link all aspects of self-reliance into…what, exactly? I’m not sure what I was thinking way back then. Some amazing infographic? Some impressive looking model? Was I planning to write a book on the subject? A competing tome to Thoreau’s Walden? I don’t remember any more.

But I’m not sure it matters. While I may not be that much more self reliant now than I was ten years ago, I’ve learned a few things. One of those things is that sometimes looking at the entirety of a problem only serves to stress people out. There is nothing simple about self-reliance, no matter what I may choose to call my blog.

The important thing with self-reliance, as with many other useful endeavors, is to start. Just pick someplace and start there. As I mentioned the other day, my return to pursuing self-reliance began a year and a half ago when I decided to gain better control over my money. It wasn’t a conscious effort toward self-reliance; I just wanted to see if I could find more money in my budget. I identified a pain point and started there.

That, I think, is the key. It’s fine to look at the whole picture and recognize your ultimate goal, but you can’t start everywhere at once. It’s much better to start with what’s bugging you most right now. What’s the one thing that you wish you could fix. Start there, and ask yourself, “What do I need to do to become more self reliant in this one area?”

That exercise may lead you somewhere else first, but at least you’ll know why. For example, if your goal is to become more self sufficient in food storage you may look at that more closely and realize you don’t have the money to build that up as quickly as you want. Perhaps you may want to look at your budget first. That may lead you to determine what you really need is a better job, and to get that you need to work on your networking skills. It doesn’t matter where you end up, so long as you determine a single place to start, a single goal to pursue.

So yes, I imagine sooner or later I’ll sit down and hammer out all the areas I feel are part of self-reliance and share that with you all. But for all that, this blog is about simple self-reliance. It’s about making it all manageable, about getting there one step at a time. In reality self-reliance isn’t binary. You don’t suddenly hit a point where you are now officially self reliant. It’s a continuum, an incremental process. You steadily work at becoming more self reliant than you were before. It’s as simple as making sure you have a full month of toilet paper next time there’s a run on the stores instead of being caught with only a few rolls left. It’s making sure you have enough savings to cover your next car maintenance bill instead of having to put it on the credit card and pay it off over the next few months.

It’s not about reaching a point where you can say, “There’s nothing I can’t handle now.” It’s about being able to say, “If X happens I think I’ll be okay. I’ll have enough cushion to be able to avoid panic while I figure out how to overcome this.”

And that’s the other thing about self-reliance: what I have to do to achieve it may look different from what you need to do. The problems I need to plan for may be entirely different from what keeps you up at night. Up here in Utah it’s safe to say I don’t need to have a plan for hurricanes. Down in Florida you probably don’t have to worry about your pipes freezing if your power goes out in the middle of winter. There’s no single solution to self-reliance, at least not at the detail level.

Ultimately I don’t think I can come up with one Grand Unified Theory of Self-reliance. I’m always going to miss something simply because my perspective is limited. I may be able to take into consideration every possible scenario in the United States, but there will always be something I have no experience with, such as locust swarms in Kenya or poisonous snakes in the dunny in Australia.

I think all I can really do is show you what my goals are and invite you along for the journey of getting there. I can try to provide a place where we can share ideas and learn from one another. If this helps someone else along the way it’ll be worth it.

Break goals down to make them manageable

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Every new year many of us make resolutions for the year. You may even be considering some self reliance related resolutions. May I recommend one simple trick for increasing your chances of success?

I find it helps to break goals down. If, for example, my resolution or goal for the year is to add to my food storage I may want to break it down into smaller components, such as:

  • January: Store 50 gallons of drinking water
  • February: Store 200 lbs. of wheat
  • March: Buy wheat grinder
  • April: Store 200 lbs. of oats

…and so on. This is certainly much more detailed–and therefore more achievable–than “Add to my food storage”. But we can–and should–take it farther. For example, just taking January’s goal, we can break it down further into steps:

  1. Research water storage containers
  2. Select container(s) to hold 50 gallons
  3. Designate and clear a storage location
  4. Place and fill containers
  5. Research rotation schedules for water
  6. Implement rotation plan

Now we’ve got a series of steps, most of which could be accomplished in an hour or less. When you find yourself with some time during January you know what you need to do and where to start instead of fumbling around thinking, “Okay, I need to add to my food storage. Should I go buy some flour? Or do I need honey first?” In the latter circumstance you’ll likely talk yourself out of doing anything, but instead you can look at your goal sheet and decide, “I’ve got half an hour. Let’s go research water storage containers online”. Boom! You’re off, and when you’re done you will have accomplished something important.

Of course it could be that you need to break your steps down further. In step 2, for example, you may decide you need to first take a look at potential storage sites in your house to see if you can get by with one large container or if you’ll need a number of smaller containers that can fit into smaller spaces. You may decide you need to do research to see if 50 gallons will be sufficient. Break down each task on your list until you feel comfortable that the step is small enough and clear enough so that you can do it in an hour or less without first fumbling around trying to figure out what you need to do.

If you’re anything like me, ambiguity is the bane of productivity. If I don’t know exactly what to do next toward a given goal I’ll put it off or skip over it to pursue something else that I can accomplish more easily. A little planning up front can make all the difference in reaching your goals. Try it! Today!